The Things Men Say

I have been on a popular free dating site (OkCupid) for a few months now and have interacted with some interesting people... I figure there is NO WAY these guys could be serious, how could these things said to me or things they put in the profile possibly be getting them dates!? I have realized that these men cant possibly be getting dates and I must share these messages with the world! I'm going to dedicate this post to the weird s*#t men have said to me in messages, later we can talk about the profiles!

This guys message would have made more sense if he used proper punctuation, or any punctuation at all.. Also I'm not sure what he thought he would accomplish by telling me his weight, but no sir I don't want to date you:

This Guy I'm not even sure how to take.. Was he being serious? Is this a poem? Did he have a stroke? All of these questions have gone unanswered because I was not going down the road of engaging him in conversation:

One sure fire way to make sure I don't respond to you is to only comment on my body in your message to me. I will assume if you message me then you are physically attracted to me.. lets move past that to something more substantial if you really want a response:

I'll give this guy a little credit he was being creative with his message but it still doesn't make me want to date him!:

I guess this guy figured every little thing we had in common meant I must want to go out on a date with him, he figured wrong:

This guys profile actually wasn't that bad, it was his lack of self esteem that turned me off:

I think this guy really really wanted to connect with me. However I felt like he might either kidnap me or extort money. I know that i'm being insensitive based on him being from out of the country but come on, what other "strong reason" do we need to speak?!:

I guess this guy figures if he asks for directions on how to set up his profile I must want to date him! Um no, I would like people to know how to work a computer first. Also that fact that you only date black girls is great for you, I don't need to know that.

If I don't respond to your first message, trying again with text speak won't get you any further!

I want to end this post on a better note.. not all the guys out there on online dating sites are the absolute worse.. there was a lot of nice, not creepy messages I received, even some that led to dates! I'll end with this note, its nice when a guy just wants to pay you a compliment. Nothing else to it but saying hey, I think your nice and said not in a creepy way! Men take note:

 Until next time.. i'm sure my inbox is chopped full of new creepy messages and maybe one or two nice ones!

Meeting the first guy

So now that the profile is done and I've been on the site for about a month and I was starting to get a steady stream of messages.. In early December I got an interesting message from a really cute guy lets call him Mr.A, as in Mr. Asshole. Mr. A messaged me and said something along the lines of "I like your profile, I think we have some things in common. Lets explore getting to know each other" It was innocent enough, or so I thought.. I proceeded to message Mr. A back letting him know sure I would like to get to know him, I thought his pictures were cute and his profile made him sound pretty normal and interesting..  after only a few (2-3) messages he asked for my number, as this was one of the first guys online I met I was a little apprehensive about just handing out my cell number. When I told him that his message got a little hostel, that should have been red flag #1 to stop all communications there but I thought hell he was normal until now I'll give it a go.. I gave him my number and a time frame to call me in and figured if he was weird I could just use the fancy block feature on the IPhone and would never have to hear from him again..

So later that night we talk, he seemed jaded but normal.. He was new to the area and didn't seem to be adjusting well. I didn't think much of it because not everyone has moved around like me and not everyone adjusted to their new surroundings right away. After talking on the phone for about an hour we decided to meet up for coffee, just so we could meet, feel each other out and put faces (not just pictures) to the voices. The plan was to meet somewhere between our two towns after work just briefly.. I chose the place and we went for it.

Day of our meeting, I was pretty nervous, it had been years since I was in the dating pool and had to go through first dates, first meetings or first anything. I was also still pretty newly natural so I was self conscious about my hair and how men would respond to it. I should have known from the time he showed up late that this wouldn't end well, red flag #2. When he sat down at the table he seemed standoffish and annoyed sitting back with his arms crossed, I immediately went on defense, red flag #3. I should have getting up and left the table when was of his first questions to me was: "Do you draw on your eyebrows?", I should have walked away when he talked in disgust about natural hair, I then should have poured my drink on him and stormed out when he went on a tangent about the "Gay epidemic" in DC (many of my friends are homosexual).. Somehow for what ever reason I let this meeting continue on. It got worse and worse as the night went on. He found multiple ways to insult me as we made idol chit chat and was able to convince me that he hated his own life. The whole time i'm thinking how could someone this cute be this crazy, are there cameras set up somewhere, is someone playing a joke on me?! This horrible first meeting ended with him saying something to the effect of "now you can go tell people i'm normal and we can do this again." Sorry buddy you are far from what I would call normal and I would rather pluck out my non drawn on eyebrows one by one than go out with you again. After a very awkward hug I sped home to update my friends on how horrible the night went.

Is this what i have to look forward to? Is online dating full of guys who have had horrible experiences in their dating lives and wanted to make other people feel bad about themselves? Or maybe I should go with my gut when something doesn't feel right in the message exchange online. After a heart felt group text with a few of my closest friends I decided not to let this get to me, I will not let one asshole (Mr.A) ruin my online dating experience. For now the search to my happily ever after continues.

Online Dating.. I thought this would be fun!

So when i decided to stick my toe in the online dating pond I thought it would be fun and that I would have tons of stories of all the fun dates I went on.. boy was I wrong...

I figured I'd start with one of the free sites to see if I would like it and I wanted to take things slow since I havent been single that long.. So I signed up for an account with OkCupid, its pretty straight forward and pretty well known from what I understand. I figured there would be less creeps than POF and a first step before I joined Match or BPM or something along those lines..

Setting up my profile was the MOST nerve wrecking experience.. I wanted to choose pictures that would be an accurate depiction of me, I needed a good variety because I dont want to be that girl who doesnt look like her pictures.. I needed at least one with my natural hair, one with a weave, one without makeup, one all made up, one full body picture and of course the obligatory selfie, I also wanted to make sure all of these pictures were no more than two years old.. Now of course some of these pictures are combined, I have a selfie with no make up, a full body picture all made up and a full body picture with my natural hair. I don't want there to be any surprises when I go out to meet a man for the first time in person, no reason for a person to question if the woman sitting in front of him is the woman from the site. So now that I have the pictures up I need to decide what goes in that dreaded "Self-Summary" section. How do I describe myself in just a few words? If I write too little will I look shallow? If I write too much will people even read it? So I like to believe I settled somewhere in the middle, its a little wordy but its good information about myself and what I am looking for. I also thought the "You should contact me if" section was a little loaded.. of course what I the things I want to say would come off shallow and rude so instead I wrote: You should contact me if: Something you read sparked your interest, or you feel like we have something in common...
Also you will get bonus points with me if your message is more than a simple "hi" "hello" or any other one word message..

You would not believe how many people first messaged me with just a "hey" or "HRU" or something else stupid like that before I added that final statement. I still get the occasional "hi" but then they shouldn't be surprised when they get no response. 

So now that my profile is all set up its time for all the sweet, fun, savvy messages from eligible bachelors to start rolling in right?!?   

Is This When Life Begins?

Its been a whirlwind these last six months.. I broke up with my ex, got back together with him and broke up with him again, only this time it was for good!  I knew in order for me to move on I needed to let him go completely, no more back and forth. So sometime in November I decided to have that hard conversation with him that no one really ever wants to have.. The "we are not looking for the same thing" " we are just different people" the "Its not me its YOU" conversation and end it all.. overall it went pretty well, hes only tried a few times (all unsuccessful) to get back together. I have also started a new job, I had to rid myself of the toxic situation I was in and I've moved to a new apartment in a new part of town! All positive change but its a lot to handle all at once!

So now I embark on this new phase in my life, I'm staring down the barrel of thirty no where near where I thought I would be at this time in my life. I'm shaky on my career path as I am not sure if this is what I want to do, I've cut off all my hair and am going natural and there are no husband prospects as far as I can see which means children are not likely to happen any time soon. The only thing that is pretty stable is I love the area I live in, as long as I can find a job to continue to afford it.

I have always been of the school of thought "Don't complain about it if your not trying to fix it" so this year is the year of fixing it! This year I have decided to get out more socially, try online dating, beef up my resume with some volunteer work and generally "put myself out there" in multiple aspects of my life. I've tried this blogging thing multiple times and each time it ends up being random ramblings of my life.. this time will be no different, just a little more amusing! Hopefully..

Since this journey I'm about to encounter is a scary one for me the last thing I want to do is go at it alone!! I'm bring "everyone" with me for the good, the bad, and the ugly of dating, relationships, job hunting, hairtastrophes (hair catastrophes) and everything else that I'm bound to encounter.