Girl Code!

So over the holiday weekend my "Girl Code" morals were tested, and it got me to thinking.. what are the tried and true girl code rules that you must always stick to, and which ones are a little fuzzy?!?

I'll start by sharing my story of my GC test.. So I met this guy online (i know right, always a guy) who just so happened to be a guy that a new friend of mine once dated and had recently slept with.. Once we figured out that we were talking to the same guy I was informed that he would be told I would no longer be talking to him.. well of course that wouldn't stop him from contacting me! After some slightly flirtatious (and tipsy) back and fourth I decided that it would be best that I stopped communication, the worst would be if she was the type to go through his phone and saw that we were texting! All of it got me thinking.. would it really be out of line if I had one drink with him? What are the hard and fast rules of girl code? When it is ok to break them? Is it ever ok to break them? After some fierce googling I came across what some would think are the top 10 girl code rules and my thoughts on them, in no order specifically.

•  Figure out your group’s “man rules” before shit happens. - I guess this would have solved all of my issues if done.. When joining or creating a new group of girlfriends no matter the age this conversation must be had! If you have an ex you don't care about sharing let it be known, but if you are still hung up on that ex don't hide it, don't think your friends are supposed to figure it out, be honest and let them know. You will alleviate a lot of confusion down the road. 

• Honesty is the best policy for, “How do I look?” - No one wants to be with the girl that everyone else is thinking "doesn't she have friends" if your friend is looking a hot mess in the most polite way tell her that maybe that isn't the best outfit/hairstyle/makeup for her. The worst thing you can do as a friend is let her go out looking disheveled  however if your friend didn't ask then its harder to offer that advice.. I still haven't quite figured out how to broach this issue myself but no one wants their friend walking around looking a mess! 

• When required, be a wing woman. - bottom line, when your friends need you, you be there for them! 

• Girls shall ALWAYS help other girls escape unwanted attention from guys. - (see above, lol) also we have all been in that situation when we just wished someone would swoop down and save us from what ever looser won't get the idea that your not interested... well when you see your friend in that situation you become the granter of her wishes! 

• Presence is required if a friend has been dumped. - unless you are deathly ill or on a remote island with no internet connection you need to be there for your friend in need, rather its in person with drinks and a lighter (to burn his pictures) or through google hangout or FaceTime you need to find a way to be support for your friend.. When you loose the love of your life all you need is booze, sweets and friends! 

• No hating on other women’s success. - When it comes to your friends, their success is your success and should only be celebrated! Nothing else needs to be said. 

• If a girl looks intoxicated and looks like she needs a friend, be her friend. - While the easy route is to point, be judgmental, laugh and tell yourself that its not your problem (especially if she isn't your friend) the very least you could do is go up and ask, "are you ok?". Especially if her friends aren't being great friends! Put yourself in her shoes, if you were drunk in a public place you would be forever grateful for the kind stranger who got you water and patted your back. 

• Be kind during "that time of the month"- It could be something as small as giving a tampon to  a stranger in need or letting your friend have that last piece of chocolate because of her cravings.. 

• All big moments in your best friend's life should be celebrated with dancing and balloons. - All big moments in your friends lives need to be celebrated (balloons not always needed) but rather its a birthday, a promotion, a degree, a new job or anything else it warrants a celebration with friends! 

• Confront your friend when you have a problem with her. -  If she is really your friend you want to be sure to address and fix any issues with your friends in person. Don't be passive aggressive, don't post statuses on fb or tweet about it, don't go to other friends in your group. Talk to your friend face to face, or on the phone (no text!) and let her know what she did and why it bothered you. You and your friend will be forever grateful! 

Where there you have it! While I know there are hundreds of girl code rules (check out the MTV series) these are the ones that I have come up with.. let me know in the comments the girl code rules that you have found to be important in your friendships and in life! 

Just a drop in the bucket (list)

Going into the last three months of my twenties I am learning that being married isn't the only thing  I haven't accomplished! I was one of those women that had her whole life planned out, I knew I wanted to go straight from High School to College (BA completed in 2006) I wanted to jump right into the work force, meet a man by age of 24 get married, travel the world with my husband and start a family before the age of 30. Never the less here I am, single, un travelled and looking at life experiences that i haven't yet experienced! There is no more waiting for the perfect time, no more waiting until everything else is where I want it to be, time to start taking control of my life and doing all those things I have always wanted to do! Hell I may even add some new things to the list! So here is where I will start my (running) bucket list! I will add completion dates and hold myself accountable. This isn't one of those 30 things to do by 30 types of things but a list of things I want to complete in life in general..

This list is in no particular order so instead of numbering it I will just do bullet points:

• Go on a cruise 
• Take a fun cooking or mixology class 
• Zipline 
• Go to the gun range 
• Take a hot air ballon ride 
• Go on Safari in Africa 
• Go Horseback riding 
• Go skydiving 
• Travel to at least 10 different countries 
• Have at least 1 child (ideally 2) 
• Get married 
• Go to a horse race 
• Go Paint balling (6/28)
• Loose 30 pounds (from the weight I am currently) 
• Volunteer more 
• Visit all 50 states 
• Attend at least one live game for every professional sport 
• Travel solo
• Get a passport (2/14) 
• Own a home 
• Start Blogging (3/14)
• Let go of toxic one sided friendships (I think 5/14)
• See a show on broadway 
• Go on a White House tour 
• Attend a major event in a foreign country (so many to list) 
• Go rock climbing (indoor 1/14)  
• Stomp grapes at a vineyard 
• Go back to school 
• Get certified in something random 
• Go on a cross country road trip 
• Learn how to swim
• Ride in a helicopter 
• 
  

Here is the start of my list.. whats on yours? 

And I thought women were the crazy ones!

Throughout my life I have always been told by my male friends that the women in their lives were crazy... That last relationship ended because she was nuts... But I am learning through recent dating experience that its not us ladies, its them! Men these days are absolutely nuts! I am not making this statement because of one crazy man I have come across but because there have been multiples.. I have learned that mens crazy isn't even subtle, you would think men would be the lay low, on the sly a little crazy but your not sure if its over protective ness or crazy. But NOPE I have experienced some out and out crazy that one would think they would only experience from "single white female" types of women.

At first I thought it was harmless pick up lines, guys telling me how into me they are without even having met me, or how meant for each other we are before the first date. Then I took a step back and looked at the crazy behavior, if a woman were to exhibit any of these they would be labeled as a "Stage 5 clinger" lol.

Example #1- met a guy online, we talked on a popular dating site for about three days.. he then asked me if we could be in an exclusive relationship (weird) I asked if we could at least meet first.. After our first "date" he called me 10 mins after we departed ways to ask if we could then be in an exclusive relationship. If the tables were turned a it was a woman who was as pushy to be in a relationship she would be labeled as needy, desperate and crazy!

Example #2- met a guy in person, within the first three days he started to ask me when I was ready to start a family. During our first meeting he was basically counting my eggs and setting up dates to have them implanted. In one conversation HE planned how many children we would have (1 as he felt he was getting "older"), planned our next vacation, started tracking miles stones (in which we have had none) and asked me to go house hunting with him.. I've heard men talk about how quick women are to "trap" a man but this sounds like the complete opposite!

Example #3- started talking to another guy online... we talked for a week then exchanged numbers, we never had 1 single phone conversation and then I started to get more messages (online) about how much he missed me.. I'm sorry I know I'm fabulous (i kid, i kid) but how can you miss me and you don't even know my full first name (I only sent him a nickname)?!?!

I could go on and on and probably will in another post but for now share your clingy, crazy, moving to quickly men stories with me in the comments!

The Things Men Say

I have been on a popular free dating site (OkCupid) for a few months now and have interacted with some interesting people... I figure there is NO WAY these guys could be serious, how could these things said to me or things they put in the profile possibly be getting them dates!? I have realized that these men cant possibly be getting dates and I must share these messages with the world! I'm going to dedicate this post to the weird s*#t men have said to me in messages, later we can talk about the profiles!

This guys message would have made more sense if he used proper punctuation, or any punctuation at all.. Also I'm not sure what he thought he would accomplish by telling me his weight, but no sir I don't want to date you:

This Guy I'm not even sure how to take.. Was he being serious? Is this a poem? Did he have a stroke? All of these questions have gone unanswered because I was not going down the road of engaging him in conversation:

One sure fire way to make sure I don't respond to you is to only comment on my body in your message to me. I will assume if you message me then you are physically attracted to me.. lets move past that to something more substantial if you really want a response:

I'll give this guy a little credit he was being creative with his message but it still doesn't make me want to date him!:

I guess this guy figured every little thing we had in common meant I must want to go out on a date with him, he figured wrong:

This guys profile actually wasn't that bad, it was his lack of self esteem that turned me off:

I think this guy really really wanted to connect with me. However I felt like he might either kidnap me or extort money. I know that i'm being insensitive based on him being from out of the country but come on, what other "strong reason" do we need to speak?!:

I guess this guy figures if he asks for directions on how to set up his profile I must want to date him! Um no, I would like people to know how to work a computer first. Also that fact that you only date black girls is great for you, I don't need to know that.

If I don't respond to your first message, trying again with text speak won't get you any further!

I want to end this post on a better note.. not all the guys out there on online dating sites are the absolute worse.. there was a lot of nice, not creepy messages I received, even some that led to dates! I'll end with this note, its nice when a guy just wants to pay you a compliment. Nothing else to it but saying hey, I think your nice and said not in a creepy way! Men take note:

 Until next time.. i'm sure my inbox is chopped full of new creepy messages and maybe one or two nice ones!

Meeting the first guy

So now that the profile is done and I've been on the site for about a month and I was starting to get a steady stream of messages.. In early December I got an interesting message from a really cute guy lets call him Mr.A, as in Mr. Asshole. Mr. A messaged me and said something along the lines of "I like your profile, I think we have some things in common. Lets explore getting to know each other" It was innocent enough, or so I thought.. I proceeded to message Mr. A back letting him know sure I would like to get to know him, I thought his pictures were cute and his profile made him sound pretty normal and interesting..  after only a few (2-3) messages he asked for my number, as this was one of the first guys online I met I was a little apprehensive about just handing out my cell number. When I told him that his message got a little hostel, that should have been red flag #1 to stop all communications there but I thought hell he was normal until now I'll give it a go.. I gave him my number and a time frame to call me in and figured if he was weird I could just use the fancy block feature on the IPhone and would never have to hear from him again..

So later that night we talk, he seemed jaded but normal.. He was new to the area and didn't seem to be adjusting well. I didn't think much of it because not everyone has moved around like me and not everyone adjusted to their new surroundings right away. After talking on the phone for about an hour we decided to meet up for coffee, just so we could meet, feel each other out and put faces (not just pictures) to the voices. The plan was to meet somewhere between our two towns after work just briefly.. I chose the place and we went for it.

Day of our meeting, I was pretty nervous, it had been years since I was in the dating pool and had to go through first dates, first meetings or first anything. I was also still pretty newly natural so I was self conscious about my hair and how men would respond to it. I should have known from the time he showed up late that this wouldn't end well, red flag #2. When he sat down at the table he seemed standoffish and annoyed sitting back with his arms crossed, I immediately went on defense, red flag #3. I should have getting up and left the table when was of his first questions to me was: "Do you draw on your eyebrows?", I should have walked away when he talked in disgust about natural hair, I then should have poured my drink on him and stormed out when he went on a tangent about the "Gay epidemic" in DC (many of my friends are homosexual).. Somehow for what ever reason I let this meeting continue on. It got worse and worse as the night went on. He found multiple ways to insult me as we made idol chit chat and was able to convince me that he hated his own life. The whole time i'm thinking how could someone this cute be this crazy, are there cameras set up somewhere, is someone playing a joke on me?! This horrible first meeting ended with him saying something to the effect of "now you can go tell people i'm normal and we can do this again." Sorry buddy you are far from what I would call normal and I would rather pluck out my non drawn on eyebrows one by one than go out with you again. After a very awkward hug I sped home to update my friends on how horrible the night went.

Is this what i have to look forward to? Is online dating full of guys who have had horrible experiences in their dating lives and wanted to make other people feel bad about themselves? Or maybe I should go with my gut when something doesn't feel right in the message exchange online. After a heart felt group text with a few of my closest friends I decided not to let this get to me, I will not let one asshole (Mr.A) ruin my online dating experience. For now the search to my happily ever after continues.

Online Dating.. I thought this would be fun!

So when i decided to stick my toe in the online dating pond I thought it would be fun and that I would have tons of stories of all the fun dates I went on.. boy was I wrong...

I figured I'd start with one of the free sites to see if I would like it and I wanted to take things slow since I havent been single that long.. So I signed up for an account with OkCupid, its pretty straight forward and pretty well known from what I understand. I figured there would be less creeps than POF and a first step before I joined Match or BPM or something along those lines..

Setting up my profile was the MOST nerve wrecking experience.. I wanted to choose pictures that would be an accurate depiction of me, I needed a good variety because I dont want to be that girl who doesnt look like her pictures.. I needed at least one with my natural hair, one with a weave, one without makeup, one all made up, one full body picture and of course the obligatory selfie, I also wanted to make sure all of these pictures were no more than two years old.. Now of course some of these pictures are combined, I have a selfie with no make up, a full body picture all made up and a full body picture with my natural hair. I don't want there to be any surprises when I go out to meet a man for the first time in person, no reason for a person to question if the woman sitting in front of him is the woman from the site. So now that I have the pictures up I need to decide what goes in that dreaded "Self-Summary" section. How do I describe myself in just a few words? If I write too little will I look shallow? If I write too much will people even read it? So I like to believe I settled somewhere in the middle, its a little wordy but its good information about myself and what I am looking for. I also thought the "You should contact me if" section was a little loaded.. of course what I the things I want to say would come off shallow and rude so instead I wrote: You should contact me if: Something you read sparked your interest, or you feel like we have something in common...
Also you will get bonus points with me if your message is more than a simple "hi" "hello" or any other one word message..

You would not believe how many people first messaged me with just a "hey" or "HRU" or something else stupid like that before I added that final statement. I still get the occasional "hi" but then they shouldn't be surprised when they get no response. 

So now that my profile is all set up its time for all the sweet, fun, savvy messages from eligible bachelors to start rolling in right?!?   

Is This When Life Begins?

Its been a whirlwind these last six months.. I broke up with my ex, got back together with him and broke up with him again, only this time it was for good!  I knew in order for me to move on I needed to let him go completely, no more back and forth. So sometime in November I decided to have that hard conversation with him that no one really ever wants to have.. The "we are not looking for the same thing" " we are just different people" the "Its not me its YOU" conversation and end it all.. overall it went pretty well, hes only tried a few times (all unsuccessful) to get back together. I have also started a new job, I had to rid myself of the toxic situation I was in and I've moved to a new apartment in a new part of town! All positive change but its a lot to handle all at once!

So now I embark on this new phase in my life, I'm staring down the barrel of thirty no where near where I thought I would be at this time in my life. I'm shaky on my career path as I am not sure if this is what I want to do, I've cut off all my hair and am going natural and there are no husband prospects as far as I can see which means children are not likely to happen any time soon. The only thing that is pretty stable is I love the area I live in, as long as I can find a job to continue to afford it.

I have always been of the school of thought "Don't complain about it if your not trying to fix it" so this year is the year of fixing it! This year I have decided to get out more socially, try online dating, beef up my resume with some volunteer work and generally "put myself out there" in multiple aspects of my life. I've tried this blogging thing multiple times and each time it ends up being random ramblings of my life.. this time will be no different, just a little more amusing! Hopefully..

Since this journey I'm about to encounter is a scary one for me the last thing I want to do is go at it alone!! I'm bring "everyone" with me for the good, the bad, and the ugly of dating, relationships, job hunting, hairtastrophes (hair catastrophes) and everything else that I'm bound to encounter.