Easier said than done

Ever since I hit 29.5 i've been trying to figure out whats going on with my life.. Ive purchased countless books, sought out mentors in my life and have googled every blog and life coach I could find and somehow through it all i'm still lost.. However I have realized that I am the one others come to, to seek out guidance. I sat in my office for countless hours on many days helping other people figure out their lives, consoling fears and reassuring them that life will get better, that things will be ok and that God has a plan for them.. Yet i'm still trying to figure out what that plan is for myself..

In the last couple of months, I have helped people with relationship issues, assisted in job searches, consoled hurt feelings and helped mend broken friendships. Yet i'm single, in a job that doesn't make me happy and struggle with friendships myself.. How is it that I can seem to do these things for everyone but myself?

So what I have decided to do is shift my focus.. If I have all this energy to give to others I need to shift that energy to myself. I need to make a plan and stick to it, and sometimes its best to stick to a plan when you tell someone about it. This is me telling YOU my plan! Of course this is in no particular order.

1st- I will seek out people that can help me.. I have already sought out someone professionally now I need someone personally and spiritually that can help me get to where I need to be.

2nd- I will spend dedicated time in cultivating my dreams. I need to stop be lazy and thinking things will just fall into place. I found a great quote that made me realize that the first step to making things better is for me to move. "The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are. -J. Pierpont Morgan"

3rd- I will make an actual dream board (I currently have a virtual one) and will try to do at least two things a month that will help me achieve those dreams.

4th- I will stop pushing people away.. I tend to push before I can be pushed. Its a way of helping me protect myself but its really pushing away people who could likely be key people in my life. I may have shut out the love of my life because of one thing he said that made me give side eyes..

5th- I will tap into my strengths.. I know what Im good at and somehow I don't play up those things. That means I will stop putting off blog post, I will Yelp more, I will continue to encourage others, I will plan for the future, I will cook more, my work will improve, I will continue to be social.. Overall I will just do MORE and be BETTER at the things I already know I do well.

I guess the overall theme here is I need to do more for ME.. It doesn't mean I cant do for others, I just need to put more of my effort into making sure i'm good! Here's to life getting better- Per the current book im reading "You're going to be okay" I need to start putting more faith in God, He has a plan for me and doesn't plan on giving up on me, so I cant give up on myself..

Isn't it neat to be Elite?

So Websters defines Elite as the people who have the most wealth and status in a society : the most successful or powerful group of people or the best of a class <super-achievers who dominate the computer elite — Marilyn Chase> 

However Yelp defines Elite as a super cool person who writes reviews, contribute to the overall awesomeness of the Yelp community, makes a connection with other yelps and are just generally cool people! 

Because of the Yelp definition I consider myself Elite (and so does Yelp). I became apart of this fabulous community four years ago and now I do everything I can to hold on to my Elite status. The status comes with a shiny badge on your yelp profile that makes people love you more and tons of perks that come in the form of Elite events! 

I've had a few different types of "Elite" experiences.. I've had a restaurant (and a business) send me a message after a bad review asking that i give their establishment another shot. I've had a business reach out to me ask that I review them from my "Elite Account" and I've had the pleasure of attending some kick ass Elite events! The first type of response I expected, I knew once I started leaving honest reviews about service and quality people would contact me in order to try and make things "right". Sometimes I would give them the opportunity, other times (anytime it had anything to do with my car) i'd rather just move on and take my business elsewhere.. When a business asked me to review them from my elite account I was creeped out for a couple of reasons (1) I hadn't yet been to their business (only set up a reservation) so why would i review you ahead of time (2) HOW did you know I was Elite? They tweeted me the request and at the time I did not not have any mention of my social media on the Yelp website (3) its rude, if I want to write a review for your establishment I will do it on my own! 

My most favorite part about being Elite is the events and the swag! In the last couple of years I have really picked up my attendance to these events and i'm glad I have! At first I was a little hesitant since I didn't know anyone and a good amount of the events are Elite only.. but then i realized that this meant other people wont know people either and I jumped in with both feet! The Yelp community is so welcoming, each area has a Community Manager (CM) who is a paid Yelp employee that's in place to plan the events and make sure everyone feels welcome. I have met a couple of them and they are all such wonderful people. Its almost like the job descriptions says you must be welcoming with a warm smile! Also the other members of the Elite Squad have been nothing short of awesome, applauding when people make it to their first event, making people feel welcome and not judging when you go back for your third cupcake from that amazing bakery you have been meaning to try but couldn't find the time to get to, or the pulled pork sandwich from the deli that you go to every day for lunch.. In other words the food at these events is always freaking amazing! Most of them are 21+ because they have fabulous drink vendors too that if you don't watch  yourself you may be using a car service to get home! Yelp is usually responsible and usually gives people Uber or Lyft codes if there are having alcohol at the event. 

I have also amassed a good amount of "swag" from these events.. from mints to lip balm to flask I have a good little collection of Yelp goodies that I can only hope to continue to add to! 

Being fancy doesn't have to be expensive!

So if you asked anyone for facts about me, the first thing they would say is "She likes nice things, but she knows how to save"! I have a few vices to say the least, I love shopping, I love eating, I loving doing stuff but I don't make a ton of money. So with all those things combined I have become quite the shopping savvy diva. I have a ton of money saving tips up my sleeve but I'll dedicate this post to activities.

Recently I decided to take an actual, turn my phone off/don't respond to emails, vacation. I made the promise to myself that I would celebrate my 30th birthday anywhere that wasn't in the US.. I knew right away I wanted something fun, exciting and wouldn't break the bank...I first started with the vacation sites: Applvacations.com, vacationexpress.com and cheapcaribbean.com Then I took a look to all of my basic deal sites: Travelzoo.com; Livingsocial.com; groupon.com.. Now don't get me wrong the deal sites aren't for the faint of heart, sometimes you have to be really spontaneous and know what you generally want to accomplish. For me spontaneity is just what I needed, I had put some money away so i had a budget and a date everything else was open for planning..

I kept my eyes open on a few sites for a few weeks and then up popped a four night deal at a fantastic little resort in Negril, Jamaica.. Now for $200 for 4 nights you would think the place would be a dump, however after looking at Trip Advisor reviews I was convinced that it wasnt that bad, it was actually a pretty awesome resort right on the beach and around all the action. When it came time to find a flight of course i went to all the majors fly.com, priceline.com and expedia.com but per usual Southwest (who doesnt list their prices on those sites) was the cheapest option.. they were having a fair sale.

I wish I had some amazing tips for you like: only look for airline tickets on tuesday at 2pm.. but I dont. For me its put the money aside, make a general plan and be prepared to jump on a deal the moment you see it.. Maybe my next vacation will be more thought out and planned, maybe not.. but for now enjoy some of my vacation pictures from a trip that cost me less than $500 total! :)

Body image issues

It's no secret that like most women I suffer from some issues in how I see my body.. Even in high school I was a size 6/8 and I thought I was beastly, now as an adult I'm about twice that size and its not making me feel any better naked. Ive tried so many things.. Ive juiced, I've done weight watchers and working out never gets fun like all those weird skinny girls say it will.. I even decided to sign up for a 5K and thought putting my money on the line would get me motived to get my act together... nope, I still try and work out but its not as consistent as it should be.

So recently I've decided to look at myself differently, to embrace the body I'm in now and not hate myself until I get where beauty standards tell me I'm supposed to be..

It wasn't an easy task, I didn't wake up one day and say "I love the skin I'm in". This took time, it took maturity and it took self confidence that i didn't have before. People in my life tried to tell me I was beautiful, my body was one that men desired, that I wasn't fat I was "thick". Men in my life have always praised my body, even my trip to Jamaica helped me see that others don't see my figure the way I do.. Yet I still saw myself as the chubby little girl used to get bullied in elementary and middle school..

However I did wake up one day and wonder what good it would do to continue to hate myself.. Im too old to still hold on to the issues of my 14 year old self. I figure its time to start listening to all of those inspirational quotes I post daily.. I can continue to work on myself but I will love myself every step of the way in the mean time. Now I embrace my thighs, my stomach, my arms.. I know that I'm not in the best shape of my life, but dammit it could be worse and no matter the jiggle I'm still beautiful! For the first time in a LONG time, I looked at a picture of myself in a bathing suit and thought "DAMN that girl looks good"!

What Ive learned and the little nugget of knowledge i want to share is, if your struggling with your self image, with body issues, no amount of praise from others will change the way you feel about yourself. You have to be happy with the way god made you, and know that you are who you are, the way you are, for a reason.. and that has to be good enough!

In the spirit of not making this a super serious post have a little fun and enjoy this song that i can't seem to get out of my head. Listen to the words of wisdom from Meghan Trainor:  "Momma she told me don't worry about your size, she says boys like a little more booty to hold at night!"  Enjoy! All About That Bass

Finding your passion

One morning when driving into work a segment on the radio really got me thinking about life. The segment was on branding yourself and finding your online presence but one statement the guest made is what really got me thinking. She said "If you are going to start a blog, vlog or anything of the sort find 3-4 topics your really passionate about and do those". I started thinking, what am I really passionate about? How could I turn those passions into my life work? What am I doing daily to fulfill those passions? So i started where any modern day girl will start... I went to Google! One of the first sites I came across was one of my go to's for everything, WikiHow.com. Wiki How will walk you step by step through anything you would ever want to know.. from how to fix something, to how to cook something, to how to find your passion in life.

The Wiki article had three methods in which people could use to discover (or rediscover) what their passions are.. I decided on this method: Method 2 of 3: Use Your Interests to Your Advantage. I started thinking, what am i interested in? What brings me joy? What makes me feel like i'm really making a difference in this world? Well there are a few things.. I't interested in crafts, I often hand make items for my home, my friends, my family. I'm interested in helping others, when i'm helping people figure out their life paths, helping students prep for college and things along those lines I feel as though i am leaving my "footprint in the sand", I am also interested in people in general (hence the Sociology degree) I just don't know where that last one would take me... I sat and pondered over these questions for days and got no where. Welp back to good ole Google I thought.. I came across multiple website that gave me some steps to finding my passion. these are the ones that struck me:

• Slow down. I have always expected things in life to happen when I wanted them to happen but as I got older I've learned that when you slow down and let life happen it starts to reveal new things to you. 

• Be confident. I have struggled for years with confidence. Confidence in my looks, confidence in my self and confidence in my work, at some point in my life I had to tell myself "If I don't believe in me why should anyone else". Now don't get me wrong it took me years to build up that confidence but now that I have it is the best tool in my toolbox. 

• Find themes in my life. What are those common occurrences in my life that that bring me joy? What am I drawn to over and over again? Even what areas of life seem to be full of discomfort and pain that could use changing? Once I really sat down and thought these things through it gave me some clarity on what I could be working toward. 

• Write about it. This is where my blogging comes in, I am taking you all on this journey with me to find my passions, to do what I love, to re-discover myself! So you will see as I am doing things through trial and error, making mistakes and going on new journeys. 

• Stop waiting. Its so easy to say, I'll change careers when the time is right, or i'll go after my dreams when I have more money, well the truth is there may never be a right time or enough money. I need to make tomorrow happen today and realize that the only person holding me back from my dreams is ME. 

With all that said, i'm still working at discovering and bringing my passions to light, but now I have a clearer path.

Advice to my future daughter

As I'm staring into the last two months of my twenties its hit me that I have wasted a lot of my life on things that I wish I had someone to advise me otherwise on.. I am really grateful for the things my mother has taught me but I feel like there are some areas of my life I could have been more prepared for. I know sometimes I joke with friends about all the bad advice my mother has given me like; "only whores shave above the knee" or "Tampons are are for fast women" but as I hit these life milestones I start to think about the things I want to make sure I tell my future daughter..

• Your hair does not define you- Going natural was one of the best hair decisions of my life, and believe me that yellow weave in high school will tell you I had some bad ones! But once I finally realized that the relaxed hair, lace fronts, high lights, or curls did not make me a better or worse person. It wasn't until I felt beautiful in all hair that I could truly embrace my natural state.. I will make sure my future little girl know, shes beautiful no matter what and hair should be her decision not societies. 

• Every adult woman should know how to prepare at least one single girl dish and maintain a stocked kitchen- This is one lesson I didn't really get until I stopped living like a college student. Eating out can get expensive and cause extra pounds on the scale! Every woman should know how to whip up a "cooking for the man for the first time meal" and should always have ingredients in her fridge to feed herself at a moments notice. 

• Saving is easier the earlier you start - Don't wait until your thirty (or damn near) to start paying into a 401K as soon an your company offers it to you start! Even if you don't think you'll be at that job forever, the worst that can happen is you have money put away. Also when you start your first job is when you should start your first savings account! You will thank yourself later when you dont have to pay on that vacation you deserve you can just out right pay for it. 

• Be a Lady- All ladies are women but all women aren't ladies.. There is nothing that stands out more to people than being feminine.. This is actually something I didn't learn until I moved to a major metro area.. 

• Don't stay in a relationship because its "Not bad" and always hold the significant other in your life to a higher standard - You deserve the best always! Yes you there are still men that will open doors and offer his jacket, men who know chivalry and romance isn't dead and they will do the work to get you and keep you happy. Its doesn't mean the relationship is good if you never fight but your never happy..

• Pamper yourself- Sometimes life gets hard, sometimes your job gets stressful or your friends are draining.. This is why you can never forget to make time for you! Rather its getting a massage, buying new makeup, getting your hair done.. make sure you are making time to take care of yourself; mind, body and soul. Because lets be honest, if you don't make the time for YOU no one else will.. 

• There will never be a right time- Life doesn't happen on your schedule, it will never be the right time to leave that job, to move to that state, to start that hobby, you just have to do it and hope for the best! Don't let life pass you by because you didn't think the timing was right go out into the world have adventures, make mistakes and just generally live life! You can always come back home :) 

So now that I've shared some of my advice to my future daughter, I'd like to hear from you! What would you tell your future child? What do you wish you mother told you? Let me know in the comments. 

Girl Code!

So over the holiday weekend my "Girl Code" morals were tested, and it got me to thinking.. what are the tried and true girl code rules that you must always stick to, and which ones are a little fuzzy?!?

I'll start by sharing my story of my GC test.. So I met this guy online (i know right, always a guy) who just so happened to be a guy that a new friend of mine once dated and had recently slept with.. Once we figured out that we were talking to the same guy I was informed that he would be told I would no longer be talking to him.. well of course that wouldn't stop him from contacting me! After some slightly flirtatious (and tipsy) back and fourth I decided that it would be best that I stopped communication, the worst would be if she was the type to go through his phone and saw that we were texting! All of it got me thinking.. would it really be out of line if I had one drink with him? What are the hard and fast rules of girl code? When it is ok to break them? Is it ever ok to break them? After some fierce googling I came across what some would think are the top 10 girl code rules and my thoughts on them, in no order specifically.

•  Figure out your group’s “man rules” before shit happens. - I guess this would have solved all of my issues if done.. When joining or creating a new group of girlfriends no matter the age this conversation must be had! If you have an ex you don't care about sharing let it be known, but if you are still hung up on that ex don't hide it, don't think your friends are supposed to figure it out, be honest and let them know. You will alleviate a lot of confusion down the road. 

• Honesty is the best policy for, “How do I look?” - No one wants to be with the girl that everyone else is thinking "doesn't she have friends" if your friend is looking a hot mess in the most polite way tell her that maybe that isn't the best outfit/hairstyle/makeup for her. The worst thing you can do as a friend is let her go out looking disheveled  however if your friend didn't ask then its harder to offer that advice.. I still haven't quite figured out how to broach this issue myself but no one wants their friend walking around looking a mess! 

• When required, be a wing woman. - bottom line, when your friends need you, you be there for them! 

• Girls shall ALWAYS help other girls escape unwanted attention from guys. - (see above, lol) also we have all been in that situation when we just wished someone would swoop down and save us from what ever looser won't get the idea that your not interested... well when you see your friend in that situation you become the granter of her wishes! 

• Presence is required if a friend has been dumped. - unless you are deathly ill or on a remote island with no internet connection you need to be there for your friend in need, rather its in person with drinks and a lighter (to burn his pictures) or through google hangout or FaceTime you need to find a way to be support for your friend.. When you loose the love of your life all you need is booze, sweets and friends! 

• No hating on other women’s success. - When it comes to your friends, their success is your success and should only be celebrated! Nothing else needs to be said. 

• If a girl looks intoxicated and looks like she needs a friend, be her friend. - While the easy route is to point, be judgmental, laugh and tell yourself that its not your problem (especially if she isn't your friend) the very least you could do is go up and ask, "are you ok?". Especially if her friends aren't being great friends! Put yourself in her shoes, if you were drunk in a public place you would be forever grateful for the kind stranger who got you water and patted your back. 

• Be kind during "that time of the month"- It could be something as small as giving a tampon to  a stranger in need or letting your friend have that last piece of chocolate because of her cravings.. 

• All big moments in your best friend's life should be celebrated with dancing and balloons. - All big moments in your friends lives need to be celebrated (balloons not always needed) but rather its a birthday, a promotion, a degree, a new job or anything else it warrants a celebration with friends! 

• Confront your friend when you have a problem with her. -  If she is really your friend you want to be sure to address and fix any issues with your friends in person. Don't be passive aggressive, don't post statuses on fb or tweet about it, don't go to other friends in your group. Talk to your friend face to face, or on the phone (no text!) and let her know what she did and why it bothered you. You and your friend will be forever grateful! 

Where there you have it! While I know there are hundreds of girl code rules (check out the MTV series) these are the ones that I have come up with.. let me know in the comments the girl code rules that you have found to be important in your friendships and in life!